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  After that beating, we were out of school for a week and couldn't go outside. I couldn't even see Ryley because our mom said people from the state would take us away from grandma if anyone saw what happened to us. Rod told Gram, Gage and I did it to each other, and after our mom's threat, we didn't tell her the truth because we didn't want the state to take us away. That was when I realized I didn't want Ryley anywhere around my house.

  When she'd come over and want to play in the basement I would make her go home. Sometimes I saw Rod looking at her and her mom in a way only a sick pervert would. I tried to tell Gage about it a few times, but ever since the day I made Ryley my girlfriend he didn't want to talk to me much about her. I couldn't take Rod on my own, not that I wouldn't try if he did something to Ryley, but if Gage wouldn't back me, I knew I'd wind up worse than I was when he took the belt to me.

  "Can I come for dinner today, Liam?" Ryley asked me while we walked home from school.

  She grabbed my hand and I was afraid she'd feel me shaking. I glanced at Gage and he glowered at me.

  "You can't," I blurted. "You can't come over anymore. My mama doesn't like you, Ry. You can't be my girlfriend anymore neither." It was a lie. My mom barely knew she existed, I just couldn't chance bringing her around Rod; he was too unpredictable.

  Ryley stopped walking and her hand fell from mine. The look on her face made me hold my breath, wishing my mom never came back with her worthless boyfriend. It's funny how there would be nights I wished my mom never left, that she loved us enough to stay, but in that moment, I wished I never even knew that woman.

  "Just best friends, Ry," I told her as my heart broke from the hurt on her face.

  Her backpack fell off her shoulder while she fought with her wrist. I didn't know what she was doing until she threw her bracelet in my face. The bracelet we made together. She didn't know, but I kept mine in my front pocket every day. I couldn't wear it or Gage would have the guys beat me up, but I couldn't be without it either.

  I caught her bracelet before it fell and I stared at it; it was faded and worn out. The thing was already three years old. I'd fixed it more times than I could count and I knew her mom had too. I slipped her bracelet on my wrist, not caring it was cutting off my circulation. I didn't want to lose it, because I didn't want to lose Ry.

  That night at dinner, Rod was drunk, it wasn't unusual, but he was hammered enough that grandma wouldn't eat with us.

  "Megan, eat your damn beans!" He snapped at her.

  The tears were in her eyes; she was always crying, and I'm not saying she didn't have reasons to, but I hated it and there was nothing I could do. I learned that after the belt incident.

  "Liam, where's that little girl today?" He looked around the table like Ryley sat down to dinner with us nightly or something.

  "She's home," I growled.

  "Maybe I'll visit her there then." He smirked and I jerked to look at my mom who was grinning at her cell phone, probably oblivious to us even being in the same room.

  Grabbing my plate, I was getting out of there. I was gonna tell Ryley we had to run away; she couldn't be anywhere around Rod. While I carried my plate to the sink, he tripped me. My plate shattered and the sound of breaking glass made me snap. I jumped at him and began wailing away.

  "I'll kill you!" I kept screaming while hitting him over and over.

  He was so drunk it took him a few minutes to fight me off. He tossed me across the kitchen and Gage quickly grabbed me, yanking me to our bedroom, slamming the door and locking it. Grandma came in our room and told us stories about Grandpa; she did this when she was sad or thought we were. We could hear my mom and Rod screaming back and forth and I wondered about Megan, but I knew if I went out there, Rod would have killed me.

  Rod was rapping at the bedroom door a while later and when grandma opened it, she told him to leave us alone.

  "You little punk," he seethed, pointing at me. "You'll pay for this." He pointed to his swollen cheek and red eye.

  "Get out of here, Rod!" Gage growled, slamming the door in his face.

  Gage fell asleep first, but I couldn't find sleep because the look on Ryley's face from earlier that day kept taunting my brain. Not only was I heartbroken, but I was scared because Rod was going to make me pay and he always meant it when he said it.

  "Macy!" I whispered as loudly as I could without waking my mom asleep on the couch. "Here, girl. Macy!" I whistled softly, but she didn't come.

  My eyes shot around the living room, there was no sign of Rod so I rushed to the back door.

  "Macy!" I called out into the dark yard.

  "Who you lookin' for?" Rod's voice came from the darkness.

  "Macy!" I called for her again, ignoring him.

  "She's dead." He walked toward me; the lights from inside the house illuminated his bloody hands. "Coyote." He chuckled and pushed past me, rubbing his bloody hands together.

  I booked it out the back door toward her doghouse, calling her name while I sprinted. The image of her laying next to her doghouse appeared, but she wasn't responding to my calls. As I got closer, her golden fur was stained red and I knew he wasn't lying. He stabbed our dog seven times. I hadn't cried so hard in my life and when I could pull myself from the still warm mass of my long time pet, I stumbled my way to Ryley's window.

  She shoved the window open and immediately started yanking me inside. Bloody and in tears, I was in such shock I couldn't think straight. She didn't even ask me what happened. It was like it didn't matter what I did, she'd always be there, and she pulled me into one of those hugs that told me this was the girl that would never hurt me. We sat on her floor and I cried into her neck while she held me, eventually slipping her bracelet off my wrist and putting it back on hers.

  "I'm sorry," I cried at her and I meant for breaking up with her.

  "It's okay, Liam," she softly told me, not letting go. "We'll always be best friends. Forever and always, right?"

  All I could do was nod, praying that was the truth.

  That next day grandma kicked my mom and Rod out again and I didn't have to convince Ryley to run away with me. Part of me didn't want them to move out because that meant Megan had to go too and though I didn't know her well, she was still my sister and I knew she wasn't safe with him. I told people about our dog, Gage told people, but in such a small town nobody wanted to get into someone else's private family business. They sure as hell would spread the gossip, but no one would step into it.

  That was one of the worst days of my life. I lost Ryley as my girlfriend and I lost my dog to a sadistic fuck that I swore I'd kill if he hurt my sister. I lost my trust in people and happiness was a rare gem in my house anymore after I realized just how much the world could hurt you. Gage was with me, the less I saw of Ryley, the more he started to talk to me, but we didn't talk about pointless kid things anymore. We talked about ways to get back at Rod; we talked about whose ass we were going to kick in school if they looked at us funny. We talked about why you can't love a girl without getting yourself hurt and why I needed to let Ryley go. If I couldn't protect myself, I couldn't protect her.

  RYLEY

  That night he cried on my bedroom floor was the worst night I had ever experienced in my young life. Liam was my rock. He was my world. Seeing him fall apart like that broke something in me.

  He was broken and I didn't know what to do to fix him. Gage didn't seem to care about much of what happened to his brother in the aftermath, but I sure as hell tried everything I could to bring my best friend out of the dark. I tried doing the things we liked to do as kids, but he would just complain that we weren't kids anymore. I wanted to have that carefree childhood back.

  He finally told me what happened in his house, what happened that day to make him crawl in my bedroom window one final time, covered in his dog's blood. I knew his mom wasn't in the picture, but he never talked about it much. I guess I just figured she was out of the picture completely. As a kid, there is so much about the adult world you just don't und
erstand. Nor should you.

  It'd been three years since that awful day that changed everything in our naive little worlds. Liam and I had remained best friends all those years, my bracelet, torn and tattered, still hung on my wrist, but life was never the same. He just seemed to blank out at times, or he would have days where he wouldn't leave the house. I was worried for him, but I never gave up. I vowed that even if it took me the rest of my life, I would work on getting him back. We were supposed to be friends forever and always, no matter what, but I felt that slipping every day that passed.

  Sure, boys tried to ask me out, but I always declined. Liam and I weren't together anymore, but I always held out hope that he would come around. Realize what he did was wrong and ask me out. Bobby Dylan, the school football quarterback, even asked me to prom that year and I turned him down. That didn't make me too popular with the cheerleaders, but I didn't care. They could go screw themselves. Bobby Dylan was a jerk who made fun of Liam. Anyone who made fun of my best friend wasn't good enough for me.

  Liam and I were both born in early May, and as a joint birthday celebration, I had planned on throwing a surprise party for him. We were finally going to be sixteen! My parents took pity on both of the boys after everything happened with their mom, so when I threw out the idea of a surprise party, my mom was ecstatic.

  "Ry, where do you want these balloons?" Gage asked as he ran up the front stairs to get them inside before Liam looked across our lawns and saw what we were doing.

  "Hey, Gage, bring them up to my room. I'll store them there until it's party time."

  He saluted me and headed upstairs with a huge group of balloons. I laughed to myself. Gage Porter was definitely not hurting in the girlfriend department. He was so attentive to the needs of every girl around him; I could easily understand why girls were throwing themselves at him. Maybe it was just how Gage treated all of his female friends, but when we got into high school he'd started giving me more attention than he did when we were younger. It was like when Liam stepped into the dark, Gage came out of it and seemed to notice me for more than just Ryley, his friend next door he'd throw mud at for a good laugh.

  "Anything else you need me to do for tonight?" He half-ran down the stairs, smiling just like his brother used to.

  "I was going to get some of the food prepared. You wanna help?"

  He did, as I knew he would. If there was one thing about the Porter boys, they were always willing to help. They may have had a messed up childhood, but their grandma definitely raised them to be gentlemen.

  Being in my parents' tiny kitchen never felt more awkward than it did before that party. Sure I had spent plenty of time around Gage, but it was different this time. I felt something being so close to him, something I had never felt before. Something I thought only Liam could bring out in me. Gage was so close to me, brushing against me, his smiles lingering on me. When we both reached for the Coke we were sharing, our hands touched and I felt something towards him I never thought I'd feel towards any other boy than Liam. We laughed and I pushed it toward him, trying to push away the tension in my belly that had only ever seemed to be there for Liam when I developed those feelings. But in Liam's absence I saw so much more in Gage. There was so much bad that had happened in their lives, but Gage didn't seem fazed by it and I couldn't help but feel maybe Liam should have taken a lesson from his older brother and let it all go.

  "Hand me that knife, could ya?" he asked as he started getting the sandwiches ready.

  I reached out, only half paying attention to what I was doing, and grabbed the blade of the knife thinking it was the handle. I felt the blood before the pain. Hissing I dropped the cookies I was setting out on a plate and ran for the sink.

  "Oooo! Gage! Move, move, move!" I pushed past him and rushed to turn on the cold water, throwing my hand underneath the stream.

  "Oh my God, Ry. Let me see that!" Gage never liked blood so it surprised me when he took my hand to examine my cut. His hands were rougher than Liam's, but he still had that same gentle touch as his brother.

  After grabbing a wad of paper towels, he pressed them to my hand.

  "Where's your first aid kit?" His eyes were so intense, so deep green. That was the first time I actually noticed how pretty Gage's eyes were. I used to stare into Liam's light green eyes like that.

  I grabbed ahold of the napkin, applying pressure and walked into my parents' bathroom. He followed me, helping me get down the first aid things we would need from the medicine cabinet.

  "Take off the paper towel, Ry. I need to make sure it's not too deep. We may need to take you to get stitches."

  I took off the paper towel wad, seeing it soaked bright red, and I had to look away as Gage tended to my stupid mistake. He was so gentle, so caring. In all of our years being so close, I had never met that Gage before.

  "I think you'll be okay, but I need to clean it up and get it wrapped. Hang tight, Ry. Try not to move it." His voice was gentle but solid.

  He knew what he was doing to take care of me and he was making me listen and hang on to his every word.

  "This may sting a bit," he said right as he poured something cold over my hand.

  I winced and instinctively pulled back, but didn't make it too far; he had a grip on my wrist and when I turned to look at him, he was glaring at me intensely.

  "Try not to move, Ryley," he said again, softer than before.

  Raising my hand to his lips, he blew softly over the fresh wound, making the liquid he just poured over it turn colder, no longer burning my hand. That afternoon was the first time I had ever felt something more than just friends for Gage Porter. Perhaps I was replacing Liam with Gage, and that wasn't fair to either of them, but Liam's neglect and Gage's attentiveness confused my head enough to confuse my heart.

  Once it was wrapped and I was given stern instructions not to move my hand too much so it had time to heal, we still had a party to finish prepping for. The two of us spent the rest of the afternoon finalizing all of the decorations and food. My parents had been cool about letting us have the house for the night, but I was certain they were hanging right next door with the boys' grandma, making sure their house didn't burn down. Luckily our guest list was only going to be about twenty people or so, so I knew it wouldn't get too out of hand.

  The guests started arriving and about a half hour before Liam was supposed to show up, I snuck upstairs to change into my outfit. I was set on wearing a black and white polka-dot dress, sleeveless, with cowboy boots my mama got me for my birthday. All I could think about was what Liam, and suddenly Gage, would think of my outfit. I hadn't showed anyone but my mama the dress and she just smiled at me when I asked her if Liam was going to like it. I wasn't normally a dress kind of girl, but I would be for him if it made him happy. Plus, it was my party too, so I felt with all the attention I'd get, I needed to dress up.

  With about ten minutes to go before I called and told Liam he needed to come over to my house for something, Gage walked in the door. Being he was a senior and most of the people at the party were sophomores, I wasn't sure he'd stay. The girls were practically throwing themselves at him the minute they walked in the door, but he didn't pay them any attention. Instead he stayed by me.

  "You look nice tonight, Ry. Like there may just be a girl somewhere inside you." He laughed when I hit him as hard as I could and pretended to be hurt.

  My nerves were a mess when I called Liam and told him I needed his help. I used schoolwork as an excuse since I was always asking him for help, so he didn't think anything of it. I locked the door, knowing he'd just walk in if I hadn't, so when the knock came on the door, everyone fell quiet, waiting for me to open. I was so nervous I thought I was going to puke walking to the door and opening it up for him.

  There he stood, unaware of the party going on, looking at me like I was nuts for being dressed as I was.

  "Why you look like that?" Liam grunted as he pushed his way past me.

  "SURPRISE!" everyone shouted as Gage flipped t
he lights on and glared at his brother for the comment he just threw at me.

  I hadn't moved yet. His comment ripped me open. When I finally turned to see his reaction, I saw he was frozen in place, taking in everyone around him. He turned and looked at me with hatred in his eyes I never thought I would see.

  "What did you do?" he growled.

  Mustering up all of the courage I had, I tried explaining myself out of what was the worst mistake I'd ever made.

  "I, Uh.... Wait, Liam!" I ran after him as he booked it out of my house and across his front lawn.

  "No, Ryley! You don't do this! This... this dress isn't you. Who are you even dressing like that for?!" His arm flew toward me, gesturing like I was dressed like a clown. "Those aren't my friends." A stiff, stern finger pointed toward my house. "Fuck all those people. We could have done something together. I don't need those assholes around to ruin an already shitty birthday. Thanks, Ry. Awesome. Thanks." He continued stomping toward his house, but then turned back looking so tired, so angry, it didn't look like Liam. "Know what? Fuck you too. You of all people should've known I hate everyone in there." Dropping his shaking head, he slipped inside his house.

  I couldn't move, the tears were streaming from the hatred that just spewed out of my best friend, and I cried my eyes out as I watched him walk away from me. Turning to head back to my house I saw Gage leaning against the column of my parents' front porch and I lost it. He wrapped his arm around me and walked me inside, telling everyone they needed to leave. Within an hour the house was cleared out and I was still in my pretty party dress with my hair curled and makeup running down my face.

  "Shh, Ry. Stop crying. He's going through some stuff right now." Gage sat next to me on my bed, rubbing my back, never breaking contact with me as I cried like a baby.

  "No, Gage. It's been like this for years. It's like he hates me! What did I do to make him hate me?" I looked up seeing Gage's jaw was tight and his stormy eyes were looking into mine so deep I felt like he could see my soul.